Not a Blog

Goodbye, 2012

December 31, 2012 at 11:25 pm
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An amazing, if exhausting, year.

Here’s hoping 2013 is the best year in human history.

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Cleaning Out the Lockers

December 30, 2012 at 5:50 pm
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Well, the NFL season is over. My NFL season, anyway.

Yeah, yeah, I know, playoffs, superbowl, yadda yadda yadda. I am an NFL fan, so I’ll be watching… but with the Jets and Giants both eliminated, my interest will be mostly academic. I will be rooting against the Patriots and Evil Little Bill, of course, and if the Cowboys somehow make it in, I will be cheering for them to get stomped as well… but there’s no one that I will actually be rooting FOR, which takes some of the spice out of the show. (Though it does lessen the tension considerably when you don’t actually care who wins).

The Giants won their final game today, crushing the disspirited Philadelphia Eagles to finish at 9-7. That’s the same record as last year, but last year it was enough to win the NFL East and start them on their Superbowl run, and this year it’s not… mainly due to tiebreakers, although the Giants annual second-half-of-season swoon set up the mess. Big Blue looked great today, on both offense and defense. So great you have to wonder who the hell those guys in the Giants uniforms were the last two weeks. They couldn’t possibly have been the same players. My G-Men are very hard to figure. They can beat anyone, and they can lose to anyone. They seem to play up (or down) to the level of competition. This season they dominated both the Packers and 49ers, the two teams most likely to be playing for the NFC championship next month, but they managed to lose to the Bengals, the Steelers, the Falcons, and the Ravens, and (worse) split with all three of their NFC East rivals. Had they made the playoffs, they could have been very dangerous… or maybe they would have been woeful. I never know. Neither, I fear, does Tom Coughlin.

And the Jets… oh, gods… the Jets lost to the Bills. Badly. Mark Sanchez played QB again, and was awful again. ‘Nuff said. The curse continues.

Looking ahead to next season, the Giants need to sign Victor Cruz to a long-term deal, and they have a big decision to make on Osi Umenyiora, who is scheduled to be an unrestricted free agent. Osi has been a damned good player for us, but I don’t see him coming back. He wants big bucks, and the Giants are not going to give it to him. They have Kiwi at LB, just waiting to move up to DE, and Osi has been starting to fade these last few years. He’s still a good pass-rusher, but not the sack machine he was, and he’s never been great against the run. Too many teams ran right around him this season, when he failed to set the edge. I think he has a few more good years left, but I don’t think it will be in blue. Maybe the Jets can pick him up. They need edge rushers. What the Giants need is more beef in the middle, a monster run-stuffing defensive tackle who can provide some pressure up the gut. Some young cornerbacks would also be good. Corey Webster fell off badly this year, especially against the Ravens.

The Jets… the Jets are a mess. They need to get rid of Tony Sparano and get a real offensive coordinator. Maybe Norv Turner, who is shite as a head coach, but very good as an OC. They need receivers. They need edge rushers. And, boy oh boy, do they need a quarterback. Maybe they can get someone in the draft, or pick up a free agent… though if it’s Michael Vick, as I said, I am done with them. They should be better when they get Darrelle Revis and Santonio Holmes back next season, but that alone will not get them to the playoffs. They need to hang on to LaRon Landry as well, he was one of this year’s bright spots.

So… a season ends. My seven-day work weeks resume.

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Xmas Mini-Me

December 28, 2012 at 12:03 pm
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Okay, for all your miniature fans, and the others who asked, here are some pix of the miniature me that Santa brought me for Christmas. (No, not in my stocking, he’s much too fragile to go into a stocking).

The original figure, of course, is Fat King Robert from Dark Sword’s “George R.R. Martin Masterworks” range, sculpted by the incomparable Tom Meier. But he’s been transformed into…


(Turtles are my totem animal. The only pets I was allowed as a kid in the projects).


Lil’ GRRM was painted by the amazing Anne Foerster. Hat (with turtle pin!) and glasses were provided by wonderful Raya Golden.

And of course my lady Parris was behind the whole thing.

Love you all! Merry Christmas!!!

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Merry Xmas

December 25, 2012 at 4:23 pm
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Here’s hoping all my fans and readers had a terrific Xmas.

Santa was very, very good to me. Books, turtles, jewelry, a coffeemaker (I mainline the stuff), monster movies, a tiny miniature of myself, a Richard Powers original, a dragon for my garden… what more can a boy want? (Aside from his lost youth, and a year’s worth of 50 hour days to get more done).

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I’m Number Two…

December 23, 2012 at 10:36 pm
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… for the whole twentieth century!

LOCUS says so, so it must be true. They did their once-every-decade-or-so megapoll for the Best Science Fiction and Fantasy of All Time, and A GAME OF THRONES finished in the second place for the Best Fantasy Novel of the twentieth century, behind this guy named Tolkien. Tolkien was third as well, followed by Le Guin and Zelazny. You don’t get into more rarified company than that.

(A STORM OF SWORDS and A CLASH OF KINGS showed up on the 20th century poll as well, further down).

I even made the Best Fantasy Novel of the Twenty-FIRST century top five, with A FEAST FOR CROWS in fifth.

((Actually, I tend to think that at least some of the people who voted for A GAME OF THRONES were voting for the entire series. Makes more sense that way. You will note that Tolkien’s first place winner was LORD OF THE RINGS… they did not divide his novel into its three component volumes, but mine did get sliced into five separate entries, maybe because its unfinished as of yet.

Anyway… you have to take these kind of polls with a whole shaker of salt, but still, it’s cool. Thanks to everyone who voted for me.

You can peruse the full results here:

(FWIW, Frank Herbert’s DUNE finished first in SF and ENDER’S GAME was second, but my own top three would have been LORD OF LIGHT (Zelazny), THE STARS MY DESTINATION (Bester), and THE LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS (Le Guin).

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December 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm
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Life is meaningless and full of pain.

My teams suck.

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Jets Crash

December 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm
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As bad as that blowout the Giants suffered at Atlanta was, the Jets’ loss to the Titans was worse.

As horrible as that Jets’ 7-6 win over Arizona was, the loss to the Titans was worse.

A hideous game. Too hideous to write about.

And the aftermath is even worse. Sanchez to be traded? (Who would want him? He leads the league in turnovers, and his salary and cap figure are through the roof. What would they offer, a bag of used jockstraps?) Tebow wants out. (Who could blame him?) And next season, the rumor mill insists, Gang Green may start over again with…

…. Michael Vick.

Michael Fucking Vick.

No, thank you. I don’t want Michael Vick on my team. If he comes here, I guess I root only for the Giants until the Dogkiller departs.

I guess I have only one shred of hope left to cling to. Maybe this Greg McElroy kid is the new Tom Brady. Yeah, he’s a seventh round pick, but Brady was a sixth rounder. Maybe McElroy is the real deal…

Or maybe the horse will talk.

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December 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm
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Life is meaningless and full of pain.

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Late Night Khaleesi

December 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm
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For those who missed it, Emilia Clarke was on Jimmy Kimmel last night.

Have a look.

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She gets lovelier every year.

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Time for a New Calendar – Redux

December 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm
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We’re well into December now, and time is running out on the year, and your 2012 calendar. So I thought I’d update my plug about all the nifty 2013 calendars out there.

First off, there’s an astonishing SONG OF ICE AND FIRE calendar for 2013, with art by Marc Simonetti.


You can get that one via Amazon at

or from your favorite local or online bookseller (no, alas, it is not likely to show up at one of those calendar kiosks that pop up in malls around Xmas, they prefer to feature only their own calendars).

Maybe you loved the 2012 calendar so much that you’re slavering for more John Picacio art, however. That’s cool too, and as it happens, John is going into the calendar business on his own through his new company, Lone Boy. He’s doing a “greatest hits” compilation of some of his favorite cover paintings, launching it through KickStarter.

See here:

Now, for something completely different, there’s the Literary Pin-Up Calendar put together by Patrick Rothfuss and friends.

The art is by Lee Moyer, and all of the proceeds will go to Worldbuilders on behalf of Heifer International. The art is by Lee Moyer, featuring sexy (but tasteful! tasteful!!) pin-ups of characters created by Peter S. Beagle, Ray Bradbury, Patricia Briggs, Jim Butcher, Jacqueline Carey, Neil Gaiman, Charlaine Harris, Robin Hobb, N.K. Jemisin, Terry Pratchett, and Patrick Rothfuss… and me. All guaranteed saucy. So if you’re a lover of fantasy, of “good girl” art, literature, the female form, or feeding the world’s poor… actually, helping them feed themselves… or just want to ogle Nekkid Cersei, this is a calendar you need to have.


Best of all, you can order NOW. Just go to:

So… that gives you three great choices for 2013. Picacio, Simonetti, or Moyer. Hey, why not get all three? Everyone should have a calendar in every room.

Oh, but what about 2014, you ask? The new year will be done with in no time. And it always pays to plan ahead. So right you are. But as it happens, we have you covered. I’ve just gotten a look at the cover for the 2014 SONG OF ICE AND FIRE calendar, with art with the amazing Gary Gianni, and I couldn’t wait to share, so:

Martin 2014 3

That one you can’t buy just yet. You will need to wait till July, I fear. But I think the calendar will be worth the wait. Gary has finished nine of the twelve paintings as I write, and they’re all more spectacular than the last.

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